Tuesday, July 29, 2008

GW Economic Breakdown (Mac N Cheese Version)

Unlike a certain world leader whom claims he 'doesn't read the newspapers' .. I do. And today while reading, I stumbled onto some interesting things..

One of the more interesting things I read was the fact KRAFT foods profits rose over the past quarter.

While the rest of the worlds industry is in the SHITHOUSE, Kraft seems to be doing JUST fine thank you very much.

I almost, just for a second, was at a loss as to WHY Kraft seemed to be bulletproof to all the recession/depression calamity of gunfire ever present everywhere else in the economy... but I after a quick swig of my coffee I understood.

People are not only hungry, and like Mac and Cheese, but they have less money for items like... FOOD. And since gas is so expensive, it is far cheaper to buy food that gives you gas. Two birds with one (kidney stone).

I know, I know. It might really be a bring down emotionally for some people who were used to steak, rich pastas and other wonderful meals EVERY day.. but I hail from the white trash school of culinary delights... I make a mean @$$ batch of Mac n Cheese.

very mean. And, it isn't dolphin safe. NO way.

Here is my recipe:

take one box of Mac N Cheese. With me so far?

Open it up.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE read the directions. Those directions are, as my dog tells me CAT LIES.

Boil some water. But put a good portion of olive oil in the water.

Once water and olive oil comes to a boil, throw a republican into it.... no wait.. wrong recipe. O, Yes, once water/olive oil mix comes to a boil put the noodles in. Be sure to remove the powdered fake cheese from the box first.

This is the important part of the cookery... THE NOODLES must not get soft.

Soft noodles reflect a soft society and leads to rock and rollers killing themselves.

Besides, AL DENTE noodles are the finest type of noodles in cooking.. HELL, don't take my word for it ( http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Al_dente ) so be careful and don't let the pasta overcook. YUK BE DAMNED.

While your noodle is boiling. (A phrase you can easily use at just about any function, even at church... 'Say Reverend, while your noodle is boiling I am going to help myself to the money in this round plate you keep passing around)... Anyway, while your noodle is boiling, gather some things you will need ...

1. a colander

2. evaporated milk (if you open up a can of evaporated milk, and there isn't anything in it, can you really complain)

3. Butter. This isn't your fathers butter. These days they make butter out of everything. I really enjoy the Olive Oil butter.

4. Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese. Kraft makes this too. They must be a bunch of 'end of the worldies' at Kraft. They have everything you will need at the end of the world. Mac and Cheese (with the fake powered cheese in it) and real cheese in nice little bags. So you can replace the potentially explosive fake powder cheese with real REAL cheese. YUM.

5. Pepper. WTF. It IS cheese and pasta.

So, after the noodles get Al Dente'd all up, you put them into the colandar .. and let them there while you mix the 5 ingredients toegether.

THEN throw your noodles (another good church phrase) into the cheese mix.

And then, eat till your next check bounces.


1 comment:

Aryn Corley said...

You got some LOL's from me with this one. I think I'll try this recipe.
Very funny, dude!

P.S.: I linked your blog to my RSS feeder. Now I can get updates on the fly!